Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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