My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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