The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
