I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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