I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
