upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
