My liver just broke up with me...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
