Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
