hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
