im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
