I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
