The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
