I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
