Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
