sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
