i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
