She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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