Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
