we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
