i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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