Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
