my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
