You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
