you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
