SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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