Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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