So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
