dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
