he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
