He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
