Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she told me i tasted like america
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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