I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
