Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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