look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
