and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
