i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
