Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
