The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
