i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
