5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
