i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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