I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
