So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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