I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
