...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
