They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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