I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
