I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
