How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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