Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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