I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
