Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
