I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
