Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
