I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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