Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
