I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
