Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
