He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
