My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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