i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
