Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Porn is love you can see.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
