My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
