I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
