she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
