So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He better not be in your backpack
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
