So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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