im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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