That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
